As women, we sometimes take on way too much. Just as the fortieth thing we had to do today slips off our radar due to time constraints, the little voice inside tells us that we've basically wasted our day. We are no closer to that magical goal of whatever is our zen, whatever is that thing that makes us human and not just a mommy, a wife, girlfriend, daughter or sister to someone. As we stack all kinds of unrealistic expectations up like plates of dirty dishes, we are resigned to failure because happiness is not achieved in small tasks that have to be done. It cannot be.
And today, I find my shinning example of someone who is truly happy and doesn't do this to themselves. Today, I went to a fabulous woman's home. She has a small two year old. It was an incredible party. Though I admit to being the only person not related, it was also a great time to be a fly on the wall to see what I saw.
There's something about this woman that radiates positive happiness and really, I don't get where she gets all her energy. In the shortest time possible, she turned from party hostess, mother of the birthday boy, back into informative speaker on all subjects, then into a karoake singer and finally into a pool playing friend with goals and dreams like anyone.
Heather (name changed) doesn't spend any more time on things that she doesn't like to do. Her entire house is top to bottom exactly what she wants to do, not what she has to do. I'm not saying the cleaning is neglected, just that by having an entertainment room with a karoake machine, air hockey and a pool table, she is exactly where she is. She devoted just enough time to being a party host as to make people comfortable. She played the proud mother of the birthday boy throughout but naturally played the role of daughter, sister, friend and wife throughout. As for karoake singing, that woman with the mike is dynamite. She enjoyed her entire day and happiness came as a result.
I spent some time talking about what she wanted to do with her life and she knows exactly. Being on the mommy track hasn't changed a moment of thought on that matter. A singer? Nope, you'd be wrong. She wants to be a family counsellor and the degree in Psychology will no doubt come in handy but not at the expense of putting her son in daycare and getting out their full-time.
If you're going to spend 99.5 percent of your day doing things that you find unpleasant but have to be done, you're going to be unhappy. If however, you divide your day into periods of work, effort and rest, you are goal setting and working toward a future of happiness. Even by dividing your years into what you expect from them, you will be infinitely happier.
Here are some practical tips to reorienting your universe back to where you are important too.
First of all, throw out the magic list and write a different one. Where do I want to be in ten years? If it isn't cleaning the house, taking your kids to piano lessons, then where is it? What makes you happy? If you can be a mother and an employee but have just one thing that is all yours, what would it be? If you want to be all things to all people, you fail but if you can specifically pick out a few things you want to be to the people around you, then you're on your way.
Getting what you want is really a moniker for knowing what you want. Goal setting is the action required to get there. Sitting down with a list is great.
Here is a checklist of questions to ask yourself to better define what you want:
Where do I want to be in five years?
Where do I want to be in ten years?
Where do I want to be next year?
Where do I want to be this week?
It makes me happy to _________________.
It makes me sad to __________________.
It hurts my feelings when _______________.
I like when someone says ________________.
My favorite thing in the whole world is ________________.
If I were brutally honest, I would say that I am a ___________________ in this world.
What are my skills?
What do I need to improve?
What do I value about what skills I have?
Where do I go from here?
How do I get rid of clutter from my life?
Do I ask for help?
Do I delegate?
Do I redesign my life around a new job?
I'd rather be doing this than sleeping. ________________
I'd rather be doing this than my current job. ________________
If I were brave, I would say I would ____________________.
If I were courageous, I would say I would ___________________.
If I were rich, I would do ______________.
If I were loyal, I would ________________.
Answering all of these questions and writing a letter to yourself with steps to get where you want to go will matter. Be extra spiritual and hide it behind your favorite picture of yourself. And more to the point, unclutter your life and focus on what you want to do with your life. Find your zen. Find your power to get what you want by setting these goals today.
